How Dads can encourage their daughters' healthy body image

“A recent study showed that only thirty percent of fathers believed active involvement in their daughter’s life was vital to her health and well-being” (Roper Poll, 2004). This results in fathers spending more time talking with, giving advice to, and sharing with their sons and less time with their daughters (Nielsen, 2007). They figure; that’s mom’s job, but it isn’t only her job. It's Dad's job too, and in some ways his positive involvement is even more important.

This study went on the show that a healthy father-daughter relationship is the number one predictor of high self-confidence, self-reliance, and a healthy body image. A good relationship makes it less likely for a daughter to develop an eating disorder and makes her more likely to have better general health. Also, in studying college women over a 15-year period, it was found that young women wished that their relationship with their father was emotionally and personally closer so they could be more comfortable talking about such personal issues as marital problems and divorce, drug and alcohol use, financial matters, depression, eating disorders, and sex before marriage (Nielsen, 2007).

The father’s relationship with his daughter sets the stage of how she will relate to all men in her life. A healthy relationship with her father predicts her forming healthy relationships with men in adulthood. If she has an intentionally absent relationship with her father, she is more likely to be promiscuous and is at risk for self-harming behaviors, such as; alcohol or drug use, and eating disorders. If she grows up with a disinterested father or an overly critical father, these dire consequences are even more likely (Krohn and Bogan, 2001). But even with the best of intentions, critical comments about her weight can cause lasting impact (Botta & Dumlao, 2002).

What positive steps can a father take to improve his daughter’s body image and self-esteem?

1. Spend quality time with your daughter and seek her opinion. Strive to find mutually interesting activities you can do together. This shows her that you value her company and her opinion. It will give her confidence that she is smart and it is enjoyable to be with her. My father taught me how to swing a tennis racket, shoot a layup, and appreciate Charlotte Bronte. I remember him taking me clothes shopping (which he hated), but letting me get way more clothes than my mother would have because he thought everything looked so nice on me.

2. Compliment her beauty. This should not be the focus of the relationship but if ever asked, or if she is wearing a new dress, or has gotten a hair-cut it is important that you take these opportunities to make sure to let her know she looks beautiful. My father used to always say, he lived with the four most beautiful women in the world, meaning my mother, myself, and my 2 sisters. When I was young, I was convinced that this was a fact. As I got older, and to this day, I am convinced that he meant this sincerely with all his heart.

3. Remember that you are the man in her life – ie a role model of how proper men should behave. You need to be cognizant of how you speak to her, but also to the other women around you, and how you speak about women. Be careful to avoid body/beauty centered speech, even about women on TV. She is watching you and taking it all in, and learning from you what is important. Don’t focus on the beauty on TV, but expand your interest to cheering on women athletes, or supporting women politicians.

4. Compliment and love her mother – this is so unbelievably important. A father must treat his wife and the mother of his children with love and respect. Your daughters see this and it teachers her what she should expect from her relationships and it will not allow her to settle for less. One of the main causes of dysfunctional relationships is coming from dysfunctional relationships. We need to have a model from which to learn from. Growing up, I loved Mother’s Day. My mother would sleep in, and my father would take us with him to buy my mother flowers and presents. And the most important lesson I learned, was the many times I heard him say how smart, kind, and beautiful he thought she was, and how much he respected and loved her.

5. Learn about your daughter and her interests and take an interest in those things, even if they are not interesting to you. There is nothing more endearing than a father playing tea party with his daughter. I distinctly remember that when my sister was two, she loved doing everyone’s hair, but being two meant it hurt when she would do our hair and pretty soon, me and my other sister refused to let her. That left my father, and there was nothing sweeter than seeing him with these little pony tails sticking out from the top of his hair.

6. Teach her to negotiate, to stand up for herself and say no when she thinks something is unfair or just not what she wants. This also means that in parenting her, she is sometimes allowed to be naughty, say no, or state her case. There needs to be a place for her to argue with you, and sometimes to win. That means as the father, sometimes you need to concede your point. This is something that I do with my children. If they don’t agree with me or they want something and my inclination is to say no, I implore them to state their case. And sometimes I will concede. But she needs to know she has a place at the negotiating table.

7. Model healthy lifestyle behavior – such as exercising and eating healthy without crash dieting. If you follow a fitness plan, emphasize how it makes you feel, rather the way it makes you look.

8. Discuss negative media and keep it out of the house. It is very challenging in modern times to control what children are exposed to, but look for enriching media, like national geographic for kids, and if US Weekly ends up in your house, point out the photo-shopping and airbrushing, and unrealistic images presented. Teach your child to be a discerning reader and encourage values that you want for her, and not what she sees on television and in vapid magazines.