The Power of the Pause

Patience like a battery - don't forget to recharge

I like to think of patience like a battery that slowly runs out over the course of the day. And much like the battery on my phone, it needs to be recharged during the course of the day, and overnight. I too need to recharge overnight, and nights where I don’t sleep well, result in very challenging days, where the people who know me on the outside might not sense it, but the people who live inside my house do. This is why recharging/sleep is so important and why sometimes we need to recharge during the day. I personally cannot recharge by napping, because then it messes up my night sleep, so I have to come up with other ways to recharge. And this is where the pause and mindfulness come in.

Sleep More!

The best solution for overall good health, well-being, and patience might actually be simply to sleep more. But sometimes we can’t, or we didn’t, so here’s the next best thing – the pause. If I know that I didn’t sleep well, then I will be mindful of that, and look for opportunities throughout the day to recharge in other ways. This is of course also beneficial if I did sleep well.

Practice Breathing

In therapy, we talk about this all the time, and I will often recommend using the pause to do some Deep Breathing exercises. This calms our nervous system, helps us make better decisions, and has actually been proven to lower blood pressure.[2] It also teaches our children that we don’t have to be impulsive, we can take a moment before we react, and it allows us to be proactive and appropriate in our response instead of reactive. So take a moment to lean back, and breath in through your nose, with your hand on your abdomen so you can feel the air expanding there, pause for 4 seconds, and let it out through your mouth or nose. You can do this anywhere. When you feel particularly stressed or anxious, or when your thoughts are racing and you can’t fall asleep. This will calm you down, and the more you practice it, when you are feeling OK, the more useful it will be for when you are not feeling calm.

Yoga - I am still practicing

Once a week, I practice yoga in an outdoor class, and at the end of every practice, when our muscles have been tired out, we pause, by lying on our backs and relaxing into our breathing. This pose is called Shavasana[1]. Shavasana means corpse pose, because we slow our breathing and barely move. This is a real pause. As thoughts arise, we acknowledge them and let them go. Some people chant in their heads or practice their breathing. For some people this pause is really challenging, but like anything else, the more you practice, the easier it becomes, and the more you will get out of it. I find it extremely recharging and invigorating.

Practice gratitude

Take a moment every day to think about what you are grateful for, and if that involves another person, take the time to let them know by thanking them. Practicing gratitude has been correlated with overall well-being.[3] Every time I get frustrated with a situation, I also try and pause and find what aspect I can be grateful for. If there is nothing, then sometimes I can be grateful for a husband or friends to commiserate with.

AKA Mindfulness

Pausing is another word for Mindfulness. It’s our chance to better take in what’s around us. For me this means; not rushing, but getting somewhere a few minutes early and either relaxing for a few minutes or getting in a few pages of a beloved novel. It means: enjoying the scenery; watching my child eat an ice cream; making the time to enjoy the feel of the sand on the beach and the turquoise of the sea; sitting outside when the weather permits; or snuggling with one of my children. We often go through life, without thinking too much about too much. We get distracted by the little things, but miss out on some of the big things. It’s asking ourselves whether we truly like our job, or whether we are making enough time for our parents. But sometimes we are too preoccupied by the constant motion, and we don’t allow ourselves to pause. To enjoy. To savor. Let yourself.

The power of the pause

If Corona has taught us anything, it’s the power of the pause. We have all experienced various degrees of lock-downs. These state-enforced pauses have been very difficult for many of us. But they have been opportunities to pause. To think about doing the hobby we have been pushing off, or getting in touch with the friends we have neglected or tend our garden like we would like to. Never before have so many people been learning the piano, or reading books, or spending time outside. So take a moment to lean back, and breath in through your nose, with your hand on your abdomen, pause for 4 seconds, and let it out through your mouth.

[1] Shavasana, Corpse Pose, is an asana in modern yoga as exercise, often used for relaxation at the end of a session. It is the usual pose for the practice of yoga nidrameditation. Wikipedia [2] Benson, H. (1974). The Relaxation Response. [3] Sansone, RA & Sansone LA (2010). The Benefits of Appreciation, Psychiatry.